@OMG_Its_Matt Funny Status Messages

   just once i'd like to see a Price Is Right contestant who is confident enough to make their own decisions

   You know it's bad when the only thing women feel while having sex with you is remorse.

   It's gotten to the point where I judge people solely on how many Dumb & Dumber quotes they know.

   Whenever there's a ping pong compatition on tv I secretely hope Tom Hanks shows up, paddle in hand, and just destroys everyone.

   Uggs: Helping men to identify lazy women sonce 2004.

   Dubstep is just dance music with Touretts Syndrom.

   I never make the same mistake twice. Except for that time in Thailand. But in my defence they had really small atoms apples.

   I was thinking about becoming a comedian, but I don't think I'm sad enough.

   My "host" friend called me fat and immature tonight. I didn't agree so I took a poo in her cats litter box.

   Taking my lunch break in a near by park would be a little less complicated if I didn't forget the fact that I have a mustache this month.