Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   Happy 4th of July!!! Enjoy: BBQing, setting off fireworks, and if you live in the country, shooting at random sh!t.

   I hate it when someone starts telling me something, but they end up saying "nevermind."

   There’s nothing more annoying than having a song stuck in your head that you don’t know all the words to.

   You send me endless invites to play games here on Facebook but didn't send me an invite to your party...

   Friend: "What should be engraved on the inside of my husband-to-be's wedding ring? I want something that has meaning and will remind him of me." Me:"PUT IT BACK ON!"

   If I gave a sh*t, you'd be the 1st person I'd give it to.

   Tu pac's of Eminems are 50 cents, That's Ludacris! I want my Nickelback.

   disappointed that no matter how many times he bangs his head, he doesn't see any cartoon birds.

   I was counting sheep but those little b@stards started talking to me and now I REALLY can't sleep. Plus, I'm high.

   I believe what politicians say as much as I believe the person who says, "I never got that text."

   I just saved a lot of time in the doctor's office waiting room by walking around with a clipboard and showing people to any empty room. When the doctor showed up, I was the only one there.

   I am very much an acquired taste. If you don't like me, I suggest you acquire some good taste!

   If you're lucky enough to still have a dad the best Father's Day gift would be to call the guy and ask his advice about something. Anything.

   I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the 'Downward Dog' on top of another person.

   I just tried drinking orange juice with pulp in it and I finally understand why women don't like to swallow...

   Why is it called "raw sewage?" Does that mean that someone, somewhere, is cooking the sh!t?

   I would rather have a cure for the common hangover than the common cold.

   Nothing says "screw work, and screw personal hygiene" quite like last night's bar stamp on my hand.

   Whenever my girlfriend is mad at one of our friends, she deletes them from FB but makes sure I stay friends so she can see what they're saying.

   It's really funny to see a cat fall off a bed, til it grabs your leg.