StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   Why can't the ice cream man just get a fu*kin liquor license already

   I propose that we abolish marriage and engage in 3 year contracts instead, with the option for renewal.

   I prefer to call it a "Ta-Da" list. Cause it'd be fu*king amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.

   Did we try giving the government a snickers?

   News: "3 Cliff Walkers Fall to Their Death" Wow, what were the chances of them all having the same name?

   What's longer than most relationships these days? This status.

   Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.

   If Obama really wanted to impress me... he'd somehow combine Missouri & Oregon to make a "Show me your beaver" state.

   I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no f*cking money in there.

   Really offended these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently, like I don't treat every burrito with the utmost respec

   People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.

   Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn't proof that you can effectively work as part of a team.

   The house from Home Alone is up for sale for 2.5 million dollars. F*ck that, the area's full of burglars.

   If you're thinking of hanging out with your ex, jerk off first and see how you feel after that.

   Never leave something good to find something better, because once you realize you had the best, the best has found better.

   Got kicked out of a Gatorade convention. I guess standin behind the women and whispering "is it in you?" was the wrong thing to do.

   'LSD makes users lose weight' That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.

   I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.

   I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.

   They say 1 in 4 men is homosexual. So there must be one in my group of friends. I hope its David he's super cute.