KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   Please don't take anything I say personal or too seriously. I'm just an idiot with internet access.

   TWILIGHT: Taking the 'N' out of "Vampire Fangs", since 2007!

   People who create their own drama, deserve their own karma

   When in doubt, put some booze in it.

   Hope for the best. Plan for the worst. Snack in between.

   No I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at what I think of you.

   If you believe you can tell me what to think, I believe I can tell you where to go.

   It makes no sense to commit yourself in a relationship if you still expect to have single people's privileges.

   I have an actual date this weekend so if any of you are in love with me, you better say something or forever hold your peace.

   The memories of all the naughty things I've done in my lifetime will always bring a smile to my face.

   I'm running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.

   A teacher asks Johnny to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. He says, "My sisters sweater has 9 buttons but her boobs are so big, so can only fasten eight!"

   Loneliness can make you do some strange people.

   The most popular costume tonight is "girl that won't talk to me."

   You can make a lot of friends with a prescription pad.

   My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere.

   Skype Conversations: 5% Hey, how are you? 95% CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?!

   Brad Pitt and I had a handsome contest and the loser had to adopt a bunch of kids.

   I wonder if the female equivalent of the c0ckblock is the beaver dam.

   Maybe fake people will pretend to be real on Halloween.