Abraham lincoln Funny Status Messages

   I was outback chopping ome wood with my ''ask'' and this woman walked up and ''axed'' me a question!!!

   Daughter''Dad I am a lesbian!'' Sister ''Me too dad!'' Dad ''Doesn't anyone like guys around here?'' Son ''I do!''

   ''See that guy over there carrying my golf bag? That's the one job i've created!!!''----President Obama

   Chick-fil-a announced today they have a new policy concerning patrons! ....Men will no longer be able to share their ''Nuggets!''

   Got a Straw! ...Because you ''Suck!''

   If your a$$ had a ''Like'' button, I'd hit it!!!

   3AM text message ''Hey are you asleep?''....''No I'm scuba diving!''

   If you don't want a Sarcastic answer don't ask a Stupid Question!

   The Mars Rover reports there are only 167 Starbucks on Mars!

   They are making us take down American Flags off Bridges, Fire Trucks all across America! Watch, The National Christmas Tree is next, because it offends some people! Take back our Country before it's too Late!

   Nothing makes a man happier than his son being on the cover of a Wheaties Box! His daughter on the cover of Business Week! His girlfriend in Playboy! And his wife on the back of a carton of Milk!!!

   I was asked if I believed in Astrology! Of course my answer was no us Sagatarians are very skeptical people!!!

   Friday is my Second Favorite ''F'' Word!!!

   I married my wife for her looks........just not the ones she's been giving me lately!

   I just love waking up in the middle of the night, to find I still have hours to sleep before I have to be at work!!!

   I had formed an opinion of this Lazy Guy, and then I thought, until I have walked a mile in his shoes, so I did! Now I know he's Lazy and has Athlete's Foot!!!

   Make today ridiculously amazing!

   I haven't spoken to my wife in 3days because she hates when I interupt her!

   Rooster+Rooster=No Egg....Hen+ Hen= No Egg....Rooster+ Hen=Egg/Chicken........Now you know why Chick-fil-a supports traditional couples!

   My 3yr old doesn't like onions on his donut! Onions= shredded coconut!