santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Not a lot of great things listed in Craigslist free section today. Unless any of you guys would like a slightly used mattress for Christmas?

   Just checked my bank account. And it looks like everyone is getting text messages for Christmas.

   Santa has been reading your posts all year. Most of you are getting dictionaries.

   It's beginning to look a lot like I'm going to have to go on a diet after Christmas.

   Gary's tips for the holidays: 1. Forget the past. You can't change it. 2. Forget the present. I didn't get you one.

   Walmart is giving away free Christmas decorations as long as you can outrun security.

   They need to stop remaking A Christmas Carol. The Muppets did it the best. Everyone else needs to sit down and move on

   If you’ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you’ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.

   Let me get this straight; a fat man who breaks and enters into my home, who steals all my Christmas cookies, is the one who judges if I'm naughty or nice?

   Well, it's July and almost 100 degrees. Walmart should be putting the Christmas stuff out any day now!

   Alright we got Christmas presents out the way where my W2 at

   Just a reminder: Walmart will be closed on Christmas Day so both cashiers can be with their families.

   I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I surprised my wife with a new bag and belt for Christmas ! The old vacuum cleaner is gonna run like new now .

   Santa said the illegals have been so bad this year that they were put on top of the ICE list

   Christmas is an illusion. It's based on 2 fairy tales. One features a guy in a red suit, the other in a crummy stable without Netflix.

   Christmas > Easter. Christmas = Lasagna. Easter = Hard Boiled Eggs. I hope this helps to clear things up.

   Like what about tall apartment buildings? Does Santa ride the elevator to each floor? How does he carry all the presents in one bag and how does he get into the apartments? I can't wrap my mind around it.

   This Christmas instead of gifts I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

   Before you mock children who still believe in Santa, remember there are still adults who believe everything they read on Facebook.

   Okay now that Christmas is over, I'm ready for summer!