santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   If you’ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you’ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.

   Let me get this straight; a fat man who breaks and enters into my home, who steals all my Christmas cookies, is the one who judges if I'm naughty or nice?

   Well, it's July and almost 100 degrees. Walmart should be putting the Christmas stuff out any day now!

   Just a reminder: Walmart will be closed on Christmas Day so both cashiers can be with their families.

   I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I surprised my wife with a new bag and belt for Christmas ! The old vacuum cleaner is gonna run like new now .

   This Christmas instead of gifts I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

   Like what about tall apartment buildings? Does Santa ride the elevator to each floor? How does he carry all the presents in one bag and how does he get into the apartments? I can't wrap my mind around it.

   Okay now that Christmas is over, I'm ready for summer!

   No New Year, No Groundhog, No Valintine, and now no New President. Holidays suck anymore.

   The neighbors are already putting up their Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving who have obviously been shopping in Walmart.

   Time to lose a little weight from the holidays with my guaranteed to work weight loss program that's called "Log Out of Facebook"

   My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1984.

   Funny Christmas

   After Christmas