santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Look. Those Christmas Walmart roll back prices are only for believers in the baby Jesus!

   I assume nowadays the Christmas family portrait theme involves four people staring into their electronic devices next to the Christmas tree...

   Santa came down the chimney, at half past three. W

   Spice up the holidays with random quotation marks: "Merry" Christmas to your family / Merry Christmas to "your" family / Merry Christmas to your "family"

   Keep it up and Santa's going to stick a candy caine where the sun don't shine.3 hours ago clear

   why is Santa so jolly? Cause he knows where all the naughty girls live.

   Don't laugh at adults that still believe in Santa Clause, we have adults that still believe in Joe's build back better.

   Hope all of you who received a book from me for Christmas thoroughly enjoy them! Oh and don't forget they need to be back the library by the 30th.

   This year I'm giving my girl the best Christmas gift ever. Anybody got any tips on how to wrap your b@lls?

   Santa Clause said to support gays. Now what am I gonna do? My two favorite omni-present imaginary dieties are contradicting eachother!

   If you love Christmas so much, why don't you marry it, Eve? What I'm trying to say is: Merry Christmas Eve.

   One Christmas eve, Santa was under a lot of stress. When an angel walk in with a tree and ask what he should do with the tree was how the tradition got started.

   I am Happy my kids are older now. But I do miss running around all night in the Pink Bunny Suit from the Christmas Story on Easter Eve.

   santa's overated.

   I wish Santa would just dump 100ft of coal around Biden and Nancy Pelosi's house.

   The White House hosted its annual Hanukkah party and everything was going great until Biden pulled on a rabbi's beard and said, "You're not Santa."

   Today is Friday, December 13th. I can't tell you how relieved I am that Christmas isn't on Friday the 13th this year.

   Dear Santa: Either you give me what I want for Christmas or I'll turn Rudolph and Comet into a piece of deer jerky. Make it happen, fat man!

   Spotted a house tonight with their Christmas lights already up in October and can only imagine that they work for Walmart.

   ATTENTION EVERYONE: I have an announcement to make. Santa just confirmed that I have been very good this year!