santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   All I wanted for Christmas was to get promoted out of the friend zone.

   Tesco - It's the little things that make Christmas. Yeah, Vietnamese kids in sweat shops.

   Decided this year I'm replacing the milk and cookies tradition with manly reach around. Just to see if that would get SANTA'S attention.

   So apparently when you get pulled over around Christmas and the cop asks "Do you know why I pulled you over sir" The incorrect answer is "You know how important of a person I am and you figured this would be the only chance you would get to wish me a Merr

   my friend saif "I don't give a sh*t about Christmas, Easter and New Years", but I do give a sh*t...So he is going to be very surprised by the type of Easter Egg I give him tomorrow. It's cheaper than chocolate anyway!

   This year I’m printing my Christmas cards on trash bags to save everyone the extra step

   Claustrophobic : A person afraid of Santa Claus

   Christmas is truly a magical time. It's made all my money disappear!

   There are 361 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up. Unbelievable

   I'll be 127.0.0.1 for Christmas

   I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy. This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me!

   Thought for the day: An HMV gift card is not just for Christmas.... it's for life...

   Why do atheist celebrate Christmas? Just stop it! You are making yourself look bad.

   Even though it looks as though JB cheated on me & may be someone's baby daddy, I'm still going to wear his scent and listen to his new Christmas album...while rocking myself back and forth in the corner of a vacant room w/ nothing but a bottle of Grey G

   athiests are awful quite Xmas morning

   Santa Claus is jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

   Holiday Tip #37: Eat asparagus around the holidays. If you're anything like me, the green combined with the red in the toilet lends itself to a wonderful bathroom holiday ambiance

   Aside from Christmas, Easter is the best day to have Alzheimer's! You can hide your own eggs!

   Walking In a Winter Wonderland" is a great Christmas song for Southerners to keep in mind since they don't know how to drive in it.

   says: Well, everyone was dreaming of a white Christmas and well, we got it... Just on a side note - I AM NOT IMPRESSED WITH YOU DREAMERS. NOT IMPRESSED AT ALL!! :(