zinc Funny Status Messages

   Toys R Us sells toys. Bikes R Us sells bikes. Imagine my disappointment when I went next door to Babies R Us

   it true atheist children lie down and make snow corpses

   Earlier today I looked at the car next to me, and I saw the driver texting while driving. How dangerous! I was so shocked I almost dropped my guitar.

   You offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore?

   I need to get my life together. I spilled Life cereal all over the counter!

   It's so cold you'd rather listen to Bieber than walk outside

   I once visited The Virgin Islands. When I left, they were just called The Islands.

   Please put this on your status if you know someone, are related to, and/or adore someone who has ADD or ADHD. 93% of peo oh snap is that a dog outside?

   No matter how old you are, no matter how badass you think you are, If a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, You answer it.

   What does JK Rowling text her friends to let them know that she was just kidding?

   Do jews celebrate labor day or do they gotta be different like usual

   Already rolling my eyes in preparation for the 4/20 snap chats I get on Easter.

   After today there will be two kinds of people in this world: people who saw the eclipse, and people I want to talk to at parties @cbquist

   Just realized I havn't checked in on my Tamagotchi for 14 years. Wish my wife could be the same way.

   One time in 6th grade me and my friend got to an Easter egg hunt early and switched all the candy in the eggs with mustard and ketchup.

   COPY THIS AS YOUR STATUS AND SEE WHAT PEOPLE RATE YOU. | 1. Perfect | 2. Perfect | 3. Perfect | 4. Perfect | 5. Perfect | 6. Perfect | 7. Perfect | 8. Perfect | 9. Perfect | 10. Perfect | 11. Perfect | 12. Perfect | 13. Perfect | 14. Perfect | 15. Perfect

   woke up this morning with a serious case of sexyback.

   I always lick my lips when I see kids in public places because they need to realize their are bad people in this world

   you deserve more than a guy who wears t-shirts with "witty" sayings that he bought from jcpenney.

   Some people say marijuana makes you dumb, but I smoke all the time and my IQ is 420.