mtq Funny Status Messages

   "It is better to have been on penici!!in, than to have never loved at all."

   I go to the all you can eat breakfast bar for $5.00. I go, "What'll 10.00 get me?" They asked me to leave. That's bull$hit right there.

   I've never actually seen anyone using a laptop on top of their lap.

   I for one, do not long for the good old days. You know, back when you had to wait 30 minutes for a pic to download to the point where you just begin to see the top of her head.

   I don't want chicken. I want Manicotti. Manicotti-fil-A. Now we're talkin'.

   Ever wonder why some people wait 'til they're in their cars and stopped at traffic lights to pick their noses?

   Please stand on your head now. Hurry. 370HSSV 0773H

   My mom says to me, "What makes you think you're so great?" I said, "What makes you think that I think that?" She goes, "Because you just dumped a bucket of Gatorade over your head."

   Dogs are like Facebook; fun and interactive. Cats are like MySpace; boring, climb on the furniture and $hit in a box.

   You can go to church and sing a hymn, you can judge me by the color of my skin, you can live a lie until you die, the one thing you can't hide, is when you're crippled inside.

   Have you ever broiled a turkey for Thanksgiving? It's not bad if you don't mind your turkey a little rare. Okay, very rare but....

   If you plan on meeting someone on facebook who has no pictures on their profile page. A word of caution. Better you should bury your face in Rosie O'Donnell's a$$ for 6 hours, than hook up with that monster.

   Why does this thing tell you that you have 24 letters left, then when you post it's incomplete? e

   If little girls were given dolls that drank and wet because they had maternal instincts...how come us guys weren't given blow up dolls for our paternal instincts?

   Starting tomorrow, every place I visit, I'm going to speak exclusively in double negatives. I'd do it today, but I'm not going nowhere.

   I have a toothache. Sorta. Some chick with loose teeth was giving me skull and bit me. There's a bicuspid implanted in my c*ck.