doc noland Funny Status Messages

   I can't afford a Carnival Cruise this year so I'm just going to hang out at a Porta-Potty near the beach.

   Its all fun and games till your both naked and someone is getting their face nawed on.

   I'm the kind of guy who tells an angry albino to lighten up

   For some reason, they dont seem to be marketing the Tickle Me Elmo as heavily this Christmas.

   This CNN coverage of a missing plane is the longest episode of Gilligan's Island I've ever watched.

   ".. So he sayeth unto me 'Taketh NyQuil with the Wine and Ye shall feel the path with your thoughts and hear things with your vision.'"

   Wanna make someone feel uncomfortable? After shaking their hand slowly lift your hand to your nose and say, Mmmmmmmm.

   Just winked at myself in a mirror and physically felt the soul leave my body.

   69% of people on FB are childish and immature

   You can tell a lot about someone by the swastika they've carved into their forehead.

   Why aren't we letting blind people think that dragons are real?

   Finally got around to shaving my crotch after a few years. Its nice to see my knees again.

   At the end of the day, I just want to be loved but at the beginning of the day, gotta get rif of this morning wood.

   I tried on a Trojan Magnum...its really hard to breathe in those things.

   I'm "All the kids were free-range kids" years old.

   I know they didn't ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.

   MTV has proven that the recent rise in teenage pregnancy has reallyyyyy changed the definition of a MILF

   Meanwhile, on the east coast, thousands of children are changing their costume from pirate to snowboarder.

   How come when women do it, they're "cougars," and when I do it, I'm "trespassing on school property"?

   Okay, Bee Gees, I'll bite. What qualifies as "more than a woman"?