K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   If you really want to go green, start using BOTH sides of your toilet paper.

   Be thankful.....in dog years, you're dead.

   I bet if we got congress high there would be so many solutions and a new budget for Doritos

   It was earth hour last night at 8:30. I turned everything off for an hour, couldn't see a damn thing...so I built a tire fire for some light. Still trying to put it out.

   Looking forward to Egg Salad Monday.

   When will Britain learn? They have a wedding, we kill Bin Laden...they have the Olympics, we land on Mars.

   If I ever get as excited about the McRib as the people in the commercials do....SLAP ME!

   Does anyone else have that brief thought of "Serial Killer" or "Monster" when they are getting in their car and drop the car keys?

   I got caught talking to myself today, so to avoid embarrassment, I pretended to be a tree until they left.

   Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.

   The one reason I could never become a vegetarian....Bacon.

   I don't feel so bad about not having an up to date phone. I just saw a woman jogging past my house carrying a Walkman.

   The time you REALLY wish you had a video camera is when somebody says, "Hold my beer and watch this".

   People always wonder why it is that a dog finds great joy sticking his head out of a car going 55mph, but if you blow in his face he'll try and kill you....it's your breath.

   If you want to get in to a womens pants, get into her mind.....that's what she uses to figure out if you're getting into her pants or not.

   You know it's hot when you open your deoderant and it's sweating.

   I need some quiet, alone time to comtemplate for a while. If you need me I'll be on MySpace.

   I tried letting a smile be my umbrella, but you can't whack people with a smile!

   If you think paper beats rock...Hold a piece of paper up in front of your face and I'll throw a rock at it.

   Pretty soon people will be saying, "You were born in the 1900's?"