Jbabcock Funny Status Messages

   "In the libray by Prof. Plum with a wrench!!..No?! Um- Then in the Den by Col. Mustard with a Candlestick!! No?! Umm..."-said our political leaders who don't have a f*cking Clue as to what's killing our economy or how to fix it.

   My wife is decorating our kitchen in a Cartoon Theme. She loves what I just got her for her birthday- The Official Scooby Doo Rofl Iron. Your Relcome Honey!

   Nobody ever notices what you do at work but they sure as he!! notice when you don't do it.

   I have a picture of myself in my wall in my nursing uniform holding two empty bedpans. That way when they show me a photo of their honor studen or their new car I can show them a photo of me not giving two sh!ts.

   Today in the car my nephews taught me that SlugBug and Perdidle weren't the only car ride punch games. There's also CruiserBruiser, RamBam, MustangBang, and ChevyShoves. So I made up the HumrBumr and the Haiyundai Chop. Uncles can do that you know.

   Anyone else see FB Bugs?! ̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨They drive you crazy and you can't wıpe them off your screen!!

   Visiting your extremely religious Grandma can be a day full of uncomfortable feelings and guilt. This is because Grandma has a little Dogma that's obsessed with chasing after everyone elses Karma.

   "The Lord moves in mysterious ways" said Peter while Jesus did the moonwalk.

   Honk if you love a peaceful and quiet drive.

   It's funny how when funky smellin powder is sent thru the mail anonomously Homeland Security is all over that sh*t. But when the same kind of funky smellin powder fills the air everytime Hef takes off his daiper at the Playboy Mansion no one gives a sh*t.

   I won't ever drink nasty Pumkin Ale again. The taste makes me think of The Great Pumpkin standing at a urinal.

   Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!

   I hate it when some popular girl form high school goes on an on about her life. I'm like woman shut your hole. Your mouth's had more pr*cks in it than a tavern dartboard.

   It's sad but Stevie Wonder's gotten so heavy he can't see his d*ck anymore.

   You never know how strong you really are until you quit bathing.

   Don't you hate it when you see a kid picking her nose in public and her Mom , who is aware, thinks it's “cute”. Makes me want to say “Eat it. It's finger licking good.”