JAB Funny Status Messages

   New walking dead movie coming out, featuring Keith Richards. . .

   The Definition Of Toilets: The one and only thing Obama is qualified to do, is clean toilets. . .

   If anyone is looking for an unlicensed private plane pilot. Please give me a call, my rates are as low as I can go by state laws. . .

   Does anyone know if oral $ex is Gluten free. Asking for a friend. . .

   If there's a Joe Smoe from Idaho. He must be pi$$ed off !

   What's more important. The prick of the roses or the prick giving them. . .

   My x-Girlfriend's cell phone got more attention than I did. I asked her, how long does it have to vibrate before you get off !

   The definition of Vegetarian is an Indian word for bad hunter. . .

   69 + 69 = dinner for four. . .

   Trust me on this one. Ever notice when first meeting a woman the first thing she does is size up a mans crotch. . .

   Dave Coulier's wedding turns into a full house of I don't give a F#Ck. . . . . .

   It's time for Ray Rice to be Challenged. Lets see how many punches he can take before he is knocked out. . .

   What sense of getting parrot and not teaching it to say. Hello, it's me Jimmy Hoffa, I was turned into a parrot send help...

   To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick's Day. . .

   I often wonder about people who say : Feels like I am wearing a diaper. I am curious is that something they practice in private. . .

   To hell with all this snow. I woke up this morning and beat the fugk out of the snow man in my neighbors front yard. . .

   I never cared to look for Waldo. . .

   Between Bruce Jenner and the Kardashians, they should all be court ordered to go to driving school.

   If we had to pay for internet ink. Facebook wouldn't exist.

   Joan Rivers passed away at 81, but her face was only 12. . .