santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   JUST saw Santa jumping from roof to roof with half a dozen cops behind him. Perhaps he lost his Reindeer and they're helping him find them?

   I can hardly stand the wait, please christmas don't be late!!

   Spending Christmas in a little town called Red Bud. I'm sure it will be a fine holiday experience.

   Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! D Troen

   Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered

   Manager: A room with double bed? But sir you are alone? Santa: Yes, It is just that I wish to enjoy the silence from the other bed.

   I'm sitting here wrapping Christmas presents with one hand. If you find a Band-aid in your gift, don't touch it. I'm still waiting on the test results.

   My Christmas card this year is going to be a photo of a me in a recliner drinking a beer while watching football. It will say "Happy Holidays from a single guy."

   The chupacabra does not deliver presents on Cinco De Mayo

   i don't get it...tonight theres millions of breaking & entering cases but nobody calls the police because they get bought off with presents

   twas the night before Christmas & all through the trailer park, not a creature was stirring, not even a dog's bark (redneck edition)

   Santa I'm sorry I was so naughty! Last year I was so good you brought me a Grill! This year I just needed the coal!

   You know, many people have an artificial Christmas tree so they can use it year after year to save money. Why not do the same thing with roses on Valentine's Day. You can leave them up until Easter- maybe hang some Hershey's Kisses on them. Quite festive.

   Ah, come on! It's Christmas Eve! I could be home right now, drinking this *monster* eggnog my brother makes with lighter fluid.

   I'm sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can't I do the same for Easter!!!??

   Life got 4 steps. 1: you belive in santa. 2: you don't belive in santa. 3: you are santa. 4: you look like santa

   Tryna see how I’m finna split 8$ between 17 people for Christmas 🥴..

   No matter how old you are an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a Sword!

   Just remember this holiday season, if you say "May you kiss may ass" really fast... it will sound just like "Merry Christmas"!!!

   Jingle bells, my foot smells, I pulled it from your ass. Get a beer and bring it here then pour it in a glass. - My Christmas song.