Flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I can't believe no one likes my show idea about a bunch of undead bathroom remodelers called “The Caulking Dead”.
←Rate | 02-20-2012 10:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today we celebrate the man who brought Christianity to Ireland by drinking hard enough forget everything he taught.
←Rate | 03-18-2012 05:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are so quick to shoot down my conspiracy theory that the Illuminati blew up the Challenger just to ruin Punky Brewster's dreams.
←Rate | 11-07-2011 06:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A video of me trying to get off a water bed would probably go viral on YouTube.
←Rate | 12-03-2011 05:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I scrolled too far back on my timeline and I ended up on myspace
←Rate | 06-07-2012 09:01 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say men are from mars and women are from Venus, but I'd like to believe men are from earth and women are from earth also.
←Rate | 02-23-2012 06:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always pull my shirt over my entire head when I get pulled over because cops tend to have sympathy for drivers who don't even have a head.
←Rate | 11-25-2011 09:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't have a FitBit. I'm pretty sure I have a solid grasp on how inactive I am. I don't need like bells and alarms and stuff.
←Rate | 02-08-2016 07:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looking into one of those non attorney spokesman gigs.
←Rate | 12-10-2011 18:35 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attention everyone: Jon Bon Jovi isn't dead, just his career
←Rate | 12-19-2011 20:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "My God, they spilled glass shards, tacks and honey on this floor. How will we get it up?" Law & Order: Special Vacuums Unit
←Rate | 04-27-2012 05:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Muppets took over WWE last night. In other news, Dora the Explorer is refereeing MMA Octagon Thunderdown
←Rate | 11-02-2011 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when my dog stares at me while I'm having sex. That's why I bang him from behind.
←Rate | 10-19-2011 21:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking about buying one of those mattresses I've seen on TV just so I can leave half-full glasses of wine on it.
←Rate | 12-03-2011 05:27 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women like wrapping paper because it's like clothing for gifts. And you know how women be liking clothing and gifts
←Rate | 03-21-2012 09:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dora has taught me just enough Spanish to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had
←Rate | 11-22-2011 06:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Made it to that level of dad where I just called dibs on the TV that I bought in the house that I own with the cable I pay for.
←Rate | 02-08-2016 07:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just told my Secret Santa I ran over a bum in Vermont back in 1995 or is that not how it works?
←Rate | 12-07-2011 18:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a co-worker asks how your long weekend was, respond with a clever retort like "not long enough" or "MAAAAAN I MISSED YOUR SMELL"
←Rate | 09-11-2014 05:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like big butts, but unfortunately I do lie. So really, I dont like big butts...Or do I? You'll never know.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 14:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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