Funny Status Messages

   an 18 years old girl is like a good carpenter; no wood get wasted.

   You know when you have a good mum when they let you lick the sticks to the mixer but you know you have a great mum when she turns the mixer off before you lick!!!!!

   Today I am thankful for Rand Paul taking the heat off my joke plagiarism skills

   What do you call a Missing Mexican ? ; Hevas Erbefor

   Why do motorcyclists point at the road when they pass each other? Is it a reminder?

   The leader of the Freedom Caucus confirmed to CNN today that they wouldn't vote yes because Trump didn't say "please".

   Anyone else find it funny that during Pride Month, So many people said "why does the military only get one day" but I have not heard Anyone say it today

   When I'm bored I lay on the kitchen floor and pretend to be a crumb

   If you got haters . They means you are doing something right . World series

   Woman walks in Dentist office with a pet: Do you work on dogs? Dentist: No why? Woman: My Yorky has a severe underbite. Dentist: Mam, that's a Shih Tzu.

   Look. Those Christmas Walmart roll back prices are only for believers in the baby Jesus!

   I hate how documentaries make me feel guilty for throwing straws into a turtle's egg nest.

   I know I won't be out socializing for the Super Bowl. But not because I'm afraid of catching the Coronavirus, I just don't like sports.

   "He who has not learn to obey, can not be a great leader."

   So you wanna celebrate tyhe Fourth of July? Start a Revolution!

   I love how coffee fixes everything. Tired? Drink some coffee. Headache? Drink coffee. Cold? Drink coffee. Someone makes your angry? Bust them in the head with a hot cup of coffee!

   I assume nowadays the Christmas family portrait theme involves four people staring into their electronic devices next to the Christmas tree...

   2 for the price of 1 "Your the only one for me" Valentine day cards just seems wrong, all wrong.

   So many people leave their bodies to science, I wanna leave my body to accounting

   Summer is not officially over, so settle down you pumpkin spice perverts!