Flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My friend absolutely insisted that I come to her muder mystery dinner party, but then she died suddenly under mysterious circumstances
←Rate | 05-03-2012 11:34 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A funny thing would be to dress up as a vampire, go to a blood bank, and ask when happy hour starts.
←Rate | 02-22-2012 07:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lady Gaga says her fans are monsters.Really? Then how come the Wolfman hates her guts?
←Rate | 08-29-2011 05:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your parents are cannibals, the "got your nose" game is frighteningly serious.
←Rate | 05-31-2012 11:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, bite like a mosquito, carry 100 times your body weight like an ant.
←Rate | 07-05-2015 19:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know slugs have four noses? I'm totally going to dutch-oven one tonight.
←Rate | 10-01-2011 05:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm wearing “thongs” right now, but it's not what you think. I have some flip-flops in my butt.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope these "reduced guilt" brownies help me get over that hobo I murdered
←Rate | 09-09-2011 19:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relax people, they made holograms of Tupac, Dick Clark can still appear on New Years Eve.
←Rate | 04-19-2012 03:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is illegal to use your cell phone while driving, which is why I had this sweet rotary phone installed in my center console.
←Rate | 11-05-2011 08:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When life throws you a curveball, try to duck so it hits someone else.
←Rate | 02-22-2015 16:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one has stolen my lunch at work since I started labeling it “Stool Sample.”
←Rate | 05-20-2016 19:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck WHAT IS IT DOING HERE I'M TRYING TO SLEEP
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today I will be signing books at Barnes and Noble until they kick me out for vandalizing books again. Come say hello!
←Rate | 09-28-2012 13:38 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Punk's not dead. Punk is resting its eyes. Punk works hard all week. Just please, go play quietly and let punk sleep.
←Rate | 08-24-2014 06:10 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got out of a speeding ticket by confessing to a murder I didn't commit.
←Rate | 09-28-2011 06:00 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon In a post-Gadaffi world, Hannukah is the only thing that gets to have 4 legal spellings.
←Rate | 12-22-2011 08:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I see UFOs every night until they turn into FOs.
←Rate | 12-22-2011 18:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I carry a diaper with me so I can hold it up and shout "excuse me, you dropped your adult diaper" when people cut in line.
←Rate | 09-23-2011 10:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think there should be something in science called "the reindeer effect". I don't know what it would be, but it would be cool to hear someone say "Gentleman what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect"
←Rate | 07-08-2014 05:40 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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