hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   if you ask me my sign so you can see if we're compatible or not, I'll save you the suspense... we're not.

   Judging by how much I like to crawl back under the covers in the morning I think I'd make a pretty awesome turtle.

   I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)

   I've found that the things I'm most interested in aren't really in my best interest.

   If you and your best friend don't have at least one night in your past that you vow to never discuss, you're not best friends.

   I couldn't find the thingy that peels the carrots and potatoes, so I asked the kids if they'd seen it. Apparently she left me yesterday.

   watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven't taken him away from his parents yet.

   Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?

   UPS delivery guys don't like it when you go up to their truck and order two tacos to go.

   You never really forgive the friend who tricked you into watching "2 Girls 1 Cup".

   I hope I never die in a bar cause if someone calls a priest, a rabbi or a minister my life is gonna end up as one big joke.

   Move your office desk into the elevator and ask people who get on if they have an appointment.

   It makes me sad to think there are people in this world who have a favorite Kardashian.

   I bought a smart phone today. And it came with unlimited 'Staring at your phone to avoid contact with other people' minutes.

   I like to go to Best Buy and drink a cup of coffee in front of the Geek Squad guys then hand them my empty cup and tell them I successfully installed Java....they hate me

   A womans anger is like a check engine light..there is no way to figure out why it came on so just ignore it and hope it goes away....

   If I had a time machine, I'd just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.

   As a kid, I thought convention delegates were just sign-waving idiots in silly hats & pins, but as an adult, I see I was a perceptive kid.

   It would be easier to keep my New Year's resolution to accept and forgive people if they'd stop being the same jacka$$es they were last year.

   If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just silently texting about their crappy Saturday and never make friends with each other