doc noland Funny Status Messages

   Appropriately, Gaddaffi was killed by a rebel fighter standing in the sunroof of a VW van.

   Let's observe a moment of silence for all the black women who don't have a Q or an apostrophe in their first name.

   Ok, I cant take it anymore. Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.

   The most inappropriate time to tell someone they have the "Moves Like Jagger" is during a seizure.

   How are there 45 shows about storage units and 23 about pawn shops and not a single show about women doing yoga?

   Just saw a girl in cutoff jean shorts so unbelievable short that you could see private parts sticking out the bottom of mine.

   Ok, just heard this on a radio... "Up next is Justin Bieber's Boyfriend." My suspicions are confirmed.

   It's a good thing most mens rooms have changing tables because sometimes I need to lay down after I poop.

   Doesn't North Korea understand that these grand threats will result in a harsh musical rebuke from Toby Keith?

   the ring of a home phone is becoming the whistle of a steam train+

   Ugh stupid cold weather totally stole my idea to get a lot of attention today.

   Fall is fast approaching. Time to sew all my jean legs back on.

   You know 'yer a DRUNK when: You have to go to court to find out what happened !

   Dont be jealous of me... If you had to walk a mile in my shoes, you'd probably need a year of therapy

   My definition of clean living is mixing my Jack and Coke with my pinky since it's touched less gross stuff than my other fingers.

   If you plan your own birthday party, you really don't have that much to celebrate.

   I refuse to believe there's enough happiness in the world to justify anyone sticking magnetic daisies on their car.

   ┐('.'┐) ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ (┌'.')┌ Cause this is Thriiiiiiilleeeeeeer

   it still a disorder if I only cut other people?

   Winter trees at sunset have the look of a lonely old man realizing there will be no visitors today.