K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   I am so glad my cats don't have opposable thumbs. I can't begin to imagine what would be written on my face when I wake up in the morning.

   Still no Fathers Day card from my kids. Just because they are short, furry and talk funny is no excuse....it's hard being a single father.

   I don't care if being apathetic is wrong.

   I'm going to start rubbing Q-Tips on my head.....They have done wonders for growing hair in my ears.

   Don't need to worry about zombies here in West Virginia....no brains.

   MILF...Man I Love Fries.

   I saw a couple of signs that read "END ROAD WORK". Now I'm all for a good protest, but I just can't get aboard with this one.

   Okay, technology is getting out of hand for me. I was looking through a pair binochulars this morning and when I finished I looked for the button to turn them off.

   This guy in line at store had breath so bad his teeth turned sideways just to let it out.

   Trying understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

   Understand women?....I think it would be easier to drive to Hawaii.

   You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.

   I found that my power went out briefly while I was sleeping, So I woke and my coffee was NOT ready and waiting for me. What an utterly horrible way to start the day. I had to wait five minutes, FIVE MINUTES! for my coffee. I feel like a caveman.

   Damn, my foot's asleep, now it's going to be up all night.

   Do the Chinese realize that when they visit this country, they buy souvenirs made in their country.

   Went to Micky D's today and ordered the fish sandwich and for the first time ever the cheese was squarely on the sandwich.....almost brought a tear to my eye.

   Celebrating black history month by not pulling my pants up.

   Three blondes walk into a bar.....you'd think one of them would have seen it.

   Went to Wal-Mart in my painting clothes today....still the best dressed person in there.

   I find that a ducks opinion of me is largely influenced by whether or not I have bread.