Funny Status Messages

   Monkeypox & the 11 people who still believe the media.

   Go ahead and get that tattoo, your family is already disappointed.

   How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.

   If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

   Help wanted - Nobody wants to twerk anymore.

   Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman… or a bad woman.

   In a world full of hate, Be Kind.

   Truth ~ only visible to those who question everything that they have been taught to believe.

   Dad: You have your mother’s eyes. Me: (huge black eye)

   My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

   Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.

   What do you call a mentally disabled person in a fancy suit?-Mr.President.

   Martian: “Take us to your leader.” Me: No! You wouldn’t believe it.

   Expecting truth from corporate media is like expecting love from a prostitute. That’s not why they exist.

   I had plastic surgery last week, I cut up my credit cards.

   When you’re about as useless as the “g” in lasagna.

   Running a country is like riding a bike. ~ Joe Biden

   Shoutout to my parents who let me go through my tomboy phase without putting me on puberty blockers.

   Checked my media account and nobody cares that I went shopping. That’s okay karma will get them.

   People who think men can get pregnant are suddenly concerned about misinformation on Twitter if Elon owns it.