Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I bought a bag of air that contained some chips

   Does anyone have a llama guy? I need a llama. I'll explain later

   Starting to think my fear of rubbing lamps is really hurting me in the genie-finding department.

   Why haven't we invented a bowl made of meat? Without it, the gravy on my salad just seems weird.

   A new study shows that as people get older women retain memory better than men. This just proves that thing my wife told me...

   I'm completely indifferent when you call me big poppa

   Whenever someone tells me & a friend to "get a room," we DO get a room, make tender love & send Mr. or Mrs. Jerkface a thank you note.

   Want to know how awesome my day was? I heard two REO Speedwagon songs today. In their entirety. I can't fight this feeling anymore.

   Remember when you thought you'd have it all together by the time you were the age you are now?

   The first thing you should do when a cop asks you to get out of your car is tickle him, just to find out if he's really "all business".

   Actual quote from a girl I met my 1st day of college: "I would have tested out of English but I had too much other things to do."

   I keep all the extra buttons that come with clothes just in case I ever need an extra 973 buttons

   Got in a fight once and ended up with a black eye. But you shoulda seen the other guy... Seriously, his form was AMAZING. Like a pro boxer.

   FYI: In the hip-hop community he's known as Li'l Drummer Boy.

   Not really supposed to say anything yet, but… I joined Blink 182. Gonna take it in a super fun new direction.

   I don't mean to brag, but I just completed my 21 day cleanse in 3 hours and 15 minutes.

   Sarcasm needs its own font

   Alfalfa was the Depression era Justin Bieber.

   Charles Taylor might very well be guilty of war crimes, but he does make a fine sneaker

   Its original title was "Everybody Loves Raymond, except Neil Daughtery, the convenience store clerk He Stabbed in 1982."