Funny Status Messages
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coulda sworn I read most of these jokes already on the android joke app:/ 
Blind people dont skydive because it would scare the shit out of there dog
Seriously who gives a flying fig about the "Super Bowl"?
╔═══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ═══════════════╗ ♥ SEX, ALCOHOL & FOOTBALL - IT'S SUPER BOWL WEEKEND!!!!!!!! ♥ ╚═══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ═══
What's a Taco - meat, cheese, with a tortilla What's a Chimi Changas - meat, cheese, with a tortilla What's a Burrito - meat, cheese, with a tortilla What's a Enchiladas - meat, cheese, with a tortilla
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other for silly reasons !!!... :P :D
A Good Source Of Calcium.
"This is what we do in Florida. We wear hoodies and sweat pants when the temperature drops 4 degrees. Get with it or go back to shoveling snow in Canada, jerk."
The only thing better than being wh¡te, is being wh¡te AND Italian. Buona festa di Cristoforo Colombo.
In my defense Facebook didn’t alert me it’s my wife’s birthday.
Hi, I hate Rob Lowe, I think about kicking his a$$ every time I see his stupid commercial. . .
I'm sick of people comparing Freddie Mercury to God. I mean, the guy was pretty good, but he was no Freddie Mercury.
raising the bar
Where is my balloon? I thought What ever goes up comes down!
my wife said I need more calcium in my diet.. she then proceeded to knock my teeth down the back of my throat!!!!
When a woman lies to me that she cant have sex with me becoz she is on her period, I tell her, "its a good thing your mouth is not bleeding too"
No matter what side of the aisle you lean towards or sit on, this tax plan is a soggy turdburger.
forgot to stop the Q-tip when their was resistence
the reason for the tear drops on your guitar
ROMANTIC IDEA: Buy a packet of glow in the dark stars and stick the stars on the roof above your bed to spell out a message such as "I Love You" When the lights go down, your message will be revealed! 