life Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes I have these moments in life when I want to press pause, look into the sky, and scream "REALLY DUDE, REALLY!?"!!!!!

   Laughing for 10 minutes adds 1 day to your life. Follow me and you'll live forever!

   life is all bout ass... you're either kissing it, behaving like it, covering it, working it off, or trying to get a piece of it.

   I'm high on life! And pot. Well...mostly pot. But I love life! Probably because of pot.

   If at least one ex hasn't called you psycho, you aren't living life to the fullest.

   I love sleep, because my life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake.

   If the best things in life are free? Then why am I always broke?

   The day I confuse the Google search box with my Facebook status update box will be a tragic, life changing and possibly fatal one.

   I wonder if all hot girls go through life believing that everyone is being genuinely nice to them all the time.

   believes there are two great rules in life: 1.) Never tell everything at once.

   Yeah tell me again that life is too short when you are on that 8-hr drive in a car full of kids at Thanksgiving

   Life lesson 249: A short temper is not a sign of strength.

   I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.

   Whenever I see someone walking around with a selfie stick, I always wonder what happened for them to just give up on life like that.

   There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.

   The best times of my life were spent either blowing bubbles or playing with titties…

   I'd rather watch John Goodman rub mayonnaise on himself once an hour for the rest of my life, than listen to "Call Me Maybe" one more time

   There is a "lie" in believe, "over" in lover, "end" in friend, "us" in trust, "ex" in "next" and "if" in life.

   found out yesterday that Wii Bowling skills don't translate well into real life. Hopefully boxing will go better tonight.

   "After seeing Kate and William getting married and the Pope's beatification this weekend, my life is complete. I don't care if I die tomorrow" - Osama Bin Laden