joseph Robert Funny Status Messages

   I wish Living Social had deals on health insurance

   What if Donald Trumps Batman?

   The desire to roll around in mud while getting tasered and scraped by barbed wire early in the morning eludes me. It sounds like rough sex without the safe word. #NoThanks

   Saying that an iPhone is the best phone because of the battery life is like saying my bicycle is the best car when it comes to fuel economy.

   carrying a Coach purse, driving a few years old Lexus and paying for your food order with your Access card! I hope you get herpes. Meanwhile I will try and get by on unemployment you f'n baby factory.

   The suggested friends list usually falls into 2 categories for me anymore. Either "Who the hell is that?" or "I should of done things to her mouth when I had the chance."

   I bet Carroll Shelby went from Alive to Dead in less than 10 seconds

   "If ya can't beat them, kill 'em" -Tony Stewart

   apparently cyber monday takes on a COMPLETELY different meaning on some websites

   I would just like to point out on this momentous occasion today that historically, Roalty has always been a product of inbreeding

   I try to live each day like it's my last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry b/c hey, who wants to do laundry on the last day of their lives??

   I'm always proud of myself for being able to itch my ass with my own fart

   Some people run marathons, I watch them on my couch. Indiana Jones on Syfy!!!

   One word: Ballgazi

   I think it'd be more fun if cops pulled people over with red and green lights this time of year

   Do you think after the World Cup they all have orange slices and drink capri suns after the game and then their moms pick them up in their minivans? ‪#‎SoccerSucks‬

   Some thug kid stole my bike today but I didn't care cause I know I'll get him back when I download his music for free in ten years

   Wow, Lil Wayne's now on Paris Hilton's new song. Those tear drop tattoos should be real tears, Weezy.

   I'm always let down when I see a fat kid on a seesaw by himself and nobody falls from the sky

   Way to sully the Forever 27 club Amy Winehouse. I hope Kurt, Jimmy, and Jim Morrison run train on your skanky ass