equaloppjoker Funny Status Messages

   Wanna come over and watch porn on my 72 inch flat screen mirror?

   Stop saying that I'm hard to shop for. Surely you know where the Liquor store is....

   I'm running out of reasons not to stab you.

   I'm only stalking you cause I know you have an extra burger in that Mcdonalds bag.

   laughing because I just pictured you naked!

   i cant stop drinking the coffee. If I stop drinking the coffee then I stop doing the standing and the walking and the words putting into sentence doings.

   Sometimes I laugh so hard that tears run down my leg!

   Someone walked up to me today and handed me a bible. So I flipped it open and autographed it. As I handed it back to the lady (who looked very confused), I smiled and said.. "It's always nice to meet a fan!"

   I think it's sick joke that companies are selling calendars for 2013. Anything to make a buck.

   the center of a doughnut is completly fat free!

   wonders if he is actually attractive and girls are just afraid to talk to him?

   Keep the planet clean. Its not Uranus

   Does your family have a history of stupidity or is it just you?

   Everytime I see someone wearing camo, I run right into them. The I apologize profusely, claiming that I "didn't see them"

   I wish Taylor Swift would write a song called "Maybe I'm the Problem"

   Everyone deserves to be treated equally. It doesnt matter if your gay or black or a woman or normal.

   Yes, I have a girlfriend. Oh...wait, No...thats a fridge. I have a Fridge.

   If you were dying of thirst in the desert, I wouldn't let you drink my urine.

   "Oh No!" "I forgot to pack an apple in my lunch and now there are doctors everywhere!"

   BREAKING NEWS!! Hillary will not be running for Prez in 2016 due to the brain tumor found during her recent colonoscopy!