John Y Funny Status Messages

   I don't remember how the saying goes, but I think it's Rum before Whiskey, before Vodka, = Heart Palpitations.

   Liking your own Facebook status is kind of like high fiving yourself after a fap. Please stop it!

   The money I'm saving by not having a girlfriend on valentines day will most likely be spent on booze to help me through these trying and lonely times.

   Was that "wadup yo" directed at me? Euah. Okay, well, I think that was a yes... No brah, you may not "axe" me a question. I don't speak hood. Now pull up your pants! How are idiots like this in college? Friggen STUPID!

   I guess Monica Lewinsky is trying to sell herself as some sort of crusader against cyber bullying. I'm glad she found a new calling, she blew her chances at a political career!

   You should learn from the past, live for today, and look forward to tomorrow... I'm gonna take a nap!

   I just found some old "coupons" I got from an ex for a birthday. Any of you ladies take competitor's coupons?

   I remember simpler times, when George Michael was straight, Prince was gay, and Catholic Priests could be trusted with young boys.

   I've decided on my Valentine's Day date...Its going to be whoever sits down next to me at Fricker's. Fingers crossed that its a girl this year!

   It's not the heat, it's the humidity...That's just dumb, and it shows your stupidity!

   Why is it always "did you drink all of the beer", instead of, "hey thanks for cleaning out that drawer in the refrigerator"?

   You people can keep blaming your weight/waist or tight fitting clothes on the holidays if you want, but I am not going to lie to myself or others. I was fat in August!

   I just had a WTF moment when Adele stoped singing and immediately turned into Mrs. Doubtfire. I also just learned that she has a potty mouth, and I like it!

   Here's a thought...How do blind people know when to stop wiping?

   9 out of 10 men prefer women, and that other guy, well he prefers one of those 9 men.

   What you call vocabulary, others may call jargon, gibberish, lingo or slang...but its all the same to me.

   You probably shouldn't call me lazy until you've taken a few steps in my sandals.

   Sometimes I just look at a person and think seriously,that's the sperm that won the race.

   Aaron Hernandez went from getting 40 million as a tight end, to needing two packs of smokes for a tight end.

   I've decided not to workout today. Instead I'll be working on my ABS of beer.