Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.

   These leftovers are gonna taste great in 3 hours.

   Most people don't act stupid – it's the real thing.

   Back in my day, I had to listen to my friends complain about their problems for hours, on a phone, connected to a wall... knowing they would ignore my advice and make a bad decision no matter what the hell I said. Now I can just log off Facebook.

   Christmas shopping done.... I got everyone a box with a note in it that reads. "Sorry, the world was suppose to end so I didn't get you anything. Blame the Mayans!"

   Anti-virus pioneer John McAfee is wanted by the Police for murder charges. If they catch him I guess the trial will last 30 days.

   Life is less like a box of chocolate and more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

   You complete me. Which makes me a complete idiot.

   I love Facebook, it makes me feel kinda normal after reading about all of YOUR problems. Thanks people, and thank you Facebook...

   A creepy clown? A robber wearing a cape? A purple gluttonous blob? If you think about it, the McDonald's mascots are horrifying.

   I always wonder when somebody post "gym time" on their wall and people actually like it... does this mean people know you are fat and they "like" that you're finally doing something about it?

   I like to spend my Monday mornings avoiding people who might ask about my weekend.

   A pinata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.

   I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.

   I want to be rich enough to appreciate ugly art.

   Dear Dude, who's slowly walking towards me at the park bench, dragging his one leg and can't keep his balance. Please be drunk and not a zombie.

   I hate people that say, "He's a nice person once you get to know him." They might as well just say, "He's a d!ckhead, but you'll get used to it"

   People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.

   Don't you hate it when you brush your tongue then gag from going too far back!!? If no or n/a, please contact me, ASAP. Chics only, please. K thanks.

   Saw a hobo with a sign today reading "I need clothes." So, only wanting to help, I yelled "You spelled JOB wrong!"