Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   So now if you tell a woman you want to eat her is she going to cover her face and scream?

   When I die I don't want to be in a casket at the Funeral Home... I want them to prop me up sitting in the front row... just to mess with people as they walk in.

   Updating my resume... What's a fancy way to say, "I haven't done anything for the past 6 months?"

   Every guy has a soft sensitive side. It's called “I need to get laid and I'll say and do anything to make it happen.”

   I heard in some places they bannned cigarettes from gas stations. That's a shame, I always smoke after I get f*cked.

   My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.

   The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing people that there's an empty parking space when it's actually occupied by small cars.

   A mom is cleaning her son's bedroom and finds a hidden stack of bondage and fetish magazines. She asks her husband what to do and he says, "What ever you do, don't f*ckin' spank him!"

   Why do the people in front of me at the ATM always seems to be having some sort of major financial crisis?

   A slut is simply a woman with the morals of a man.

   If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?

   Cashier: "Would you like to help feed the hungry today?" Me: "That's why I'm shopping, moron."

   I posted on your wall. No, not Facebook, look at the side of your house. :)

   My mom isn't too good with computers, so I like to leave a screenshot of the Google home page open and then watch her lose her damn mind.

   She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of 10 said their place.

   You ever have one those great days where everything is going right? F#ck You.

   There are some days when I just really do not want to wake up early and go to work. I call these days Monday - Friday.

   I almost sh!t myself when my friend told me that the government has access to a database that tells them everything about you, and even where you are on a daily basis. He said: It's called Facebook or something.

   My girlfriend says she's going to leave me for being too impatient. I can't wait.

   Wikipedia has its own wikipedia page. Can you say redundant? If you have to wikipedia wikipedia, you have no buisness being on wikipedia.