ff1241 Funny Status Messages

   wants to point out that real men don't sparkle unless he just got back from the titty bar.

   Zombie hunting, It't not just a sport, its survival!

   Just like a baby I like to drink my dinner from a bottle.

   I almost forgot what is was like to have a GF until the gps unit would not STFU when I pulled off the freeway to get more gas in the car.

   Please don't get your last minute presents from a gas station. If you do remember Grandma gets the candy or the beef jerky not the condoms. Don't ask me how I know this.

   after watching "The Walking Dead" premiere tonight on AMC. I'm going to dream about zombies tonight. Its okay becasue with my skills I'm sure I'll be the zombies nightmare.

   The only time I have a drinking problem is when I have to close my tab at the end of the night.

   Was asked if I really believe in zombies. I informed him that no, zombies are not real and that its just a pop culture thing. He then walked away pleased with answer I had given him. Now I can't wait to see the look on his face when the next zombie outbre

   Im worried, about that one cute sweet innocent girl who keeps liking my fb post.

   If I die young like in the next few days I blame it on the Girl Scouts and their evil cookies.

   Some people are worth holding on to. Some people are worth letting go. Most people are just a waste of space.

   Attention all crackheads,and homeless people.... it is a very bad time to ask me if I have any "spare change" when I'm pumping $4.39 a gallon gas into my car.

   I think the guy in the Trojan personal messager commercial is way too happy that his girl friend got 3 of them

   Today is one of the few days of the year I can pretend to be a Kardashian (do nothing and get paid for it).

   I have a blind date and I keep having people tell me to just be myself. Are you kidding me? Have you read my FB post?

   The problems with heroes is that most of them are buried too soon befor they have a chance to become old men.

   Why do I knowingly pick the bad choices in life. I know I'm going to pay for it in the end but it sure looks like its going to be fun in the mean time

   Women want to be equal to men in every aspect except dating. You all want the same positions in the rest of the world but still expect to be wined and dined. How about steaks and bjs for the guys.

   If you need a car that dose the parallel parking for you then you should NOT be driving to begin with .

   Time for naughty dreams! Hope to see a few of you there.