doc noland Funny Status Messages

   I think I ate to much, I dont mean right now. Just in general.

   I can turn any song into the explict version if I dont really know the words.

   Reece's Peanut Butter C Cups. Someone get to work on this. Now.

   If your laugh in real life sounds like "Bwahahaha", guaranteed I won't be funny around you.

   I have walrus-like reflexes! Basically I roll around my apartment and slap my belly when I want food

   It's weird how starving people aren't allergic to gluten.

   Being single is nice because I don't have to repeat my mumbled gibberish in a defensive tone.

   My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.

   Licking whiskey off your keyboard in the morning is something everyone does, right?

   If you're nice to an animal, it loves you for life. If you're nice to a woman, who the hell knows what's gonna happen.

   Wendy's idea of a medium could save an African village.

   Women like a man with confidence. Because without that, what's to destroy?

   If Michael Douglas ever gets rectal cancer we're in for one hell of a story.

   I throw my sandwich in the air sometimes saying ayo I said no mayo.

   Ever since I started working out every day, I can really see a difference in how accomplished I am as a liar.

   I can act my age just fine, until you say something like "penal code".

   The first time sleeping over a girl's place is always awkward 'cause I have to explain who I am, how I got in, & why I'm crying...still single

   I need a new refrigerator. There's no food in mine.

   When I die, I want to be cremated and put inside an Etch-a-Sketch

   I never did learn how to set the time on a VCR. These kids have no idea how good they have it.