Abraham lincoln Funny Status Messages

   Try this: Tell your children over dinner, ''Due to the Economy,We are going to have to let one of you go!!!

   Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!......It'll take them an hour to pass the salt!!!

   Life is all about A$$! You are either covering it! Kissing it! Busting it! Laughing it off! Trying to get a piece of it! ......Or you live with one!!!

   I decided to leave the paperboy a tip! I left some at the end of the driveway, in the bushes,by the sprinkler, everywhere but my at my front door!!!

   I think it is so impolite for people to sneak up on you while you are talking about them behind their back!!!

   I was an Athlete in school. I Dreamt of running in the Olympics one day! Now, I dream of just getting my fat a$$ off the couch!!!

   To the jerk that has been stealing everyone's lunch from the company refridgerator, I sprinkled just the right amout of marijuana and cocaine on that sandwhich of mine you just ate, to fail that suprise drug test that is coming tomorrow! Karma Baby!!!

   As I've grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible! But pissing everyone off...that's a piece of cake!!!

   ''If all Men are created equal, where's the rest of your Pen!s?!!!

   One Day I hope I can afford an iphone like that girl in line infront of me with the food stamps!!!

   I called 411 and asked the operator ''I'd like the number for Melissa Fontana in Silver Spring, Md. ''There are multiple listings for Melissa Fontana, Do you have a street name?'' I hesitated ''Well, uh some people call me Snake!''

   It's funny how the Chinese are competing to win back medals they probably made a month ago!

   I wsh mirrors, pictures, and what I think I look like would get together and agree on what I really look like!!!

   The way Police check to see if you're wearing your seat belt they should do to make sure ''Certain'' people are wearing Condoms!!!

   Sherman Hemsley(George Jeferson) has passed on! In his own words he would probably say ''Somehow a Honky is behind this!!!''

   I don't know what hurts my wrist more, playing volleyball or watching women's volleyball!

   Women sex toys cost money for Batteries! Men's sex toys cost money for rent, clothes, groceries.......

   How did flying babies in diapers wielding Bow & Arrows ever become a symbol of love?!!!

   Attorney General Eric Holder will take away all your guns!........ Mexican Drug Cartel ''That;s where I got mine!!!''

   This Country is at War!........with itself!!!