@OMFG_Rel8able Funny Status Messages

   Approximately 80% of my regrets involve hitting “send”

   Nothing in life is “fun for the whole family.”

   What I expect to see when I pull back the shower curtain: 99% Murderer waiting to kill me. 1% Empty shower

   Thought of something brilliant? Just google it, and you will soon realize how uncreative you really are.

   Has discovered why losing weight when you are older is so difficult. The fat and your body have become such good friends that they don't wan to be separated.

   whenever your bored send this text to a random number.. "I hid the body."

   Don't make decisions when your angry or horny =P

   "Hi" "Hi" "Did you eat?" "Did you eat?" "Are you copying me?" "Are you copying me?" "I love you!" "Yeah, I ate already.."

   That Moment of Fame when your name is in a math problem.

   Single awareness day approaches :/

   Guilty people answer questions with a question

   If I'm on a date & its bad, I'm just gonna stand up & say "I'm an actor, they're all actors & you're on MTV's Disaster Date!" & run out.....

   Lil Wayne = 5% black. 95% tattoos.!!

   I won't be impressed with technology until I can download money ;)

   I hate when I shout the wrong answer out in class with confidence

   "OMG your fake tan looks so good!" LOL JK, it looks like you got raped by an orange

   Since the commercial, I've always wanted to jump on a Tempur-pedic bed with a glass full of wine.

   I like turtles because they're so chill- They're just like: "Hey man, I want to swim, & maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm gonna take my time.

   "Let's talk dirty" ... "What DID YOU SAY?!" ... "I said it's 10:30...

   "Dont worry the spider is smaller than you" Yeah? "So is a grenade!"