KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   I’m totally gonna ask this lady breast feeding her baby, for a little squirt for my coffee.

   It doesn't matter how many times I find myself, coz there'll always be someone telling me to get lost.

   After sex, I've the same problem as a murderer; what to do with the body.

   Having a p enis doesn't make you a man. Getting mad at some Ikea wood pieces after not reading the instructions makes you a real man.

   I wish I loved anything as much as Donald Trump loves to be relevant.

   What's the difference between a liar and a cheater? Nothing, they're practically brothers!

   We all have that ONE person we would gladly take back in a second...No matter how much bullsh*t they put us through and hurt us in the past.

   If you try to use Apple's iOS 6 maps, you might discover a new unchartered continent.

   The best way to ruin my day is by asking me, "How's life treating you?" or "What's new?".

   Quitting whilst you're ahead is all very well until it comes to sex.

   A pizza is a pie chart that shows you exactly how pizza you have eaten and how much is left.

   I love Facebook like Angelina Jolie loves to fill out adoption papers.

   Even crappy coffee is better than no coffee at all.

   Why do they call it "the birds and the bees"? I can't imagine those two getting freaky with each other."

   After many bad reviews it's clear the Blackberry playbook is no threat to the iPad. In response Apple release the iToldYa

   The feeling you get when youre driving & you see a cop. And youre not drunk or high, but you think 'god I hope he doesnt notice I'm driving'

   Bin Laden died on 5/2/2011 5+2+2+0=9 11 "9/11" karma's a b**ch

   If you listen closely to your body while working out, you can hear the calories singing "Just gonna stand there and watch me burn".

   The Internet? Is that thing still around? - Homer Simpson

   And if I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Kanye West, Kim Kadarshian and Internet Explorer, I would shoot Internet Explorer twice.