doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   There should be a prenatal test to find out if you're gonna have one of those kids with tiny teeth and giant gums. I am just saying...

   Rebecca Black is pregnant... she should have gotten in the front seat, not the back seat.

   Seriously! Just saw a Weight Watchers commercial on the Food Network... Really? That's like a Jack Daniels ad running on PBS.

   I wish I could dance like a black guy. Or have epilepsy. Either way.

   doesnt get drunk, he gets awesome

   I never wear cologne to an important meeting. I bench an old fridge 10x & let my jungle pheromones show them who's boss.

   Trying really hard to have a good day. There is not nearly enough genital touching going on for that to happen though.

   How much for this stat us? Sir, it was on here yesterday. I must have it!

   "I know, baby, I'm lonley too" I whiper to the no show sock as we search for its mate.

   One time I lost my phone for 6 days, so I feel your struggle Malaysia.

   Anti-obesity ads featuring fat kids are causing controversy in Georgia. Unfortunately, none of them are forced to to the "truffle shuffle."

   But Mom! The only reason I run with scissors is because the person I'm trying to stab is usually running too!

   wondering, would It be fun if we started calling gynecologists, "tw@t dentists".

   "Yes, I need to check in." "Sir, this is a burn unit." "Yeah, I got hit hard with a battle of the bulge joke about a month ago, and I still have no comeback."

   I hope my death somehow involves a shrimp fork.

   I tweet while driving to keep from falling asleep while driving.

   It's normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The shaker, ice and Rumple combination is the most common

   One of the unsung signs of depression is throwing away fast food trash in your bathroom trashcan.

   I can only get sexually aroused if Ben Affleck is playing with animal crackers on my stomach.

   I hope I never get renal failure. I've really come to enjoy having a functioning renus.