ff1241 Funny Status Messages

   says If two morons fall in love I could care less, but for the love of God please DON'T reproduce and make more of you. There are enough idiots in this world without you making more.

   If this were Lord of the Flies, you'd be dead already.

   Why do people complain about how broke/poor they are sitting at the bar drinking beer and smoking cigarettes?

   So if you don't know the local language and need to find a restroom. The universal sign is to act like your holding your penis and making a hissing sound. Don't ask me how I know this.

   not sure why any man would be in a polygamist relationship just increases the odds of having a psycho ex wife.

   Have you ever done something so stupid that you blamed it on being drunk when you were totally sober just so you looked like less of a dumb ass.

   is single...but you're welcome to change that as long as your female and emotionally stable without the use of medication.

   thinking up new and creative ways to kill zombies.

   I wish people would understand I only sing when I'm drunk and that little shot of wine in church just doesn't cut it.

   When starting an IV on a patient do NOT refer to the big IV needles as lawn darts.

   I wish cleaning the house was as easy as cleaning out my email.

   Snowman hunting is good training for the zombie apocalypse.

   Apparently if you have my good looks and go to a nude beach everyone gets jealous and they make you put your clothing back on.

   Would like like to thank all the women that lowered their standards and went out with me on a date.

   Sometimes I need to recheck my facebook account to remember what I did this past weekend. 

   Women + yoga pants = WIN!

   Just an FYI no one wants to date a b1tch even if your good looking.

   I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am. Please speak up.

   We fought wars so we wouldn't care about royal weddings.

   So you call yourself an adult but I bet you can't sleep with the closet door open just a little bit because you think someone might be looking at you like the boogieman.