JOser Funny Status Messages

   When you were a kid, your biggest decision was "Duck Hunt or Mario Bros."

   If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore

   there are more important things in life than money. The trouble is, they all cost money.

   After doing some research, It turns out that not EVERYBODY was kung-fu fighting. It was just this one guy

   Men: if your woman makes you sleep on the couch, use the cushions to build an awesome fort and then hang a "no girls allowed" sign.

   The best part of being me is that I'm not you...

   When you put 'aspiring' in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I'm unemployed.

   With great power comes a great electric bill...

   Ed Hardy makes condoms now? Fine by me. I think we can all agree that anybody who buys one probably shouldn't breed.

   A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet, but I can only walk so fast.

   Dear Pope, Religion and birth control are more compatible than you may think. Every time a condom breaks, someone learns to pray.

   When I go to your place for the first time, unless you live in a castle, please dont ask me if I want a tour.

   I think sharks eat people just to get on tv.

   I think video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two extra lives...

   If I just fly to Arizona without ID and let them deport me to Mexico, would it be cheaper than if I flew directly there?

   Does "I caught myself singing a Justin Beiber song" go at the beginning or the end of a suicide note?

   It's a shame how so many of you have such nice, expensive, in many cases even brand new cars and yet the turn signals don't seem to work.

   It's so adorable when my Mom calls and asks me for my "email number."

   Anyone with a pool want to be my new best friend?

   it just me or does orange juice taste funny without vodka?