life Funny Status Messages

   Life is soup, I am fork.

   Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.

   Of course God knows about the bad things that happen. But, unlike lefticles, he has to be invited to intervene in your life.

   When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

   Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.

   My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

   Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

   If life was fair, Elvis would be alive, and all the impersonators would be dead.

   If you watch my life backwards, I’m a weight watchers success story.

   Now that the statues are down, tell us how your life has improved. Take your time, I’ll wait.

   I’m so competitive, I don’t let anyone ruin my life more than I do.

   The most terrifying moment in life is when the toilet refuses to flush at someone else's house

   If I know one thing for sure it's that nobody has ever looked back on their life and wished they'd eaten more celery.

   These kids gonna be dumb AF. We never missed these many days of school in our life

   I have never met a baby named Gary. It’s like they just start life at 30 years old.

   My living will specifies that if I’m ever on life support nobody pulls the plug until I reach my goal weight

   The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.

   Today I am contemplating how much longer I would live if someone shouted "Run for your life!"

   I've come to the conclusion that the things I most desire in life are illegal, very expensive, fattening, bad for my health, too young for me, or married to someone else.

   sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that