KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   I'm so high I could eat a cloud.

   10: I whip my hair back & forth. 16: I pass my blunt back & forth. 30: I drive my kids back & forth. 80: I rock my chair back & forth.

   That rather uncomfortable moment when you see a really really really ugly person and you thank god that the person can't read minds.

   If you are dreaming of being on the same level with me, you better wake up and apologize!

   Buy one beer for the price of two and receive a second beer ABSOLUTELY FREE!

   All you need is love. But a little booze now and then doesn't hurt.

   Everyone is perfectly normal until they stumble upon Facebook or Twitter.

   You gotta hump a few clunkers before you can fondle a ferrari.

   We all have problems; mine are just more important than yours.

   If it doesn't add value, subtract that shi t.

   'You always make mistakes with your first one.' - True of children and marriages.

   MASTURBATION: because when no one else is doing you, sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands!

   I grew up in a loving home with supportive parents. It's been very creatively frustrating and limiting.

   Men and women need a box of tissues for very different reasons.

   it like illegal to make a movie scene where the people runaway from a bomb when there's more than 30 seconds left for the explosion?

   What if the real Slim Shady is paraplegic?

   Last night I tried talking to the moon pretending it was you. And just like you, it maintained a distance and didn't reply. :(

   In some countries, DEATH is nature’s way of limiting presidential terms in office. You wanted to be a president for life, and now your wish is granted Mr Chavez.

   I think i'm in pizza with you.

   Remember; It's always better to ask for forgiveness than for permission except when it's about @nal.