Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   It's like my date doesn't even care about some of the core problems that faced the software development industry in the mid 90's

   I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet.

   I smoke because I enjoy the smell of death.

   Ladies; When a guy you don't know offers to buy you a drink in a club, he's not being nice he wants to have sex with you. It's not rocket science.

   why is everyone working out? is there a war coming that I don't know about?

   No matter how hard life gets just remember there are always people out there who love you, if you pay them enough.

   Give me constant mixed messages so I know..............nothing.

   I got 0 problems and denial is one!

   If money talks, someone please come translate my bank statements.

   You know who else says I'M FINE when they are clear not fine? Satan

   Yes girl you can cook, give great head, have a great sense of fashion, are kind, beautiful, sexy, and have a great smile but can you twerk?

   Office crime is real people! I was just held up at PowerPoint.

   I liked Meatloaf before he got all soft on us and changed his name to Adele.

   Coffee is that one friend who believes in you and always wants you to succeed.

   every stamp is a food stamp if you eat stamps

   Alcohol? Yes. Feelings? No.

   “I can't wait to drunk text this girl who doesn't give a sh*t about me.” - ALCOHOL

   How I hate people who initiate a conversation and don’t continue with it.

   Sometimes when I see a married couple, it appears to me like two people joined together to become one desperately boring person.

   Excuse me Miss, but your new hairstyle is making everyone uncomfortable.