santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Claustrophobia-The fear of Santa Claus

   Me putting up with you is your Christmas present

   Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas.

   OK Santa I guess your going to celebrate thanksgiving also

   My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.

   Heading into Wal-mart on Christmas Eve. If I don't make it out alive, I just want to say it has been great knowing you all.

   Christmas is a good time to realize that not all your family are relatives, and not all your relatives are family.

   If you do not brick up your chimney this year to keep Santa out, you’re not taking this virus very seriously.

   I take all my Christmas pictures a couple months early before I put on all the serious weight.

   I'm so broke that This Christmas I am going to wrap up some batteries with a note saying "Toys not included".

   Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I've been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It's time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I'm hiring a cameraman.

   You know what most people are getting for Christmas? Fat.

   Does anyone know if Santa will be sending out a progress report?

   Please allow children to believe in Santa. You believe in essential oils and no one is ruining it for you.

   Untangling Christmas lights is the closest my wife and I have ever gotten to S&M.

   I know what I’m getting for Christmas …Yeah that's right, Fat. I’m getting fat.

   I am trying to get into the Christmas "spirit" but can't get the bottle open...

   All of these years in therapy have finally paid off folks... Turns out my therapist just recommended I get supervision this festive season. I have always wanted super powers! BEST Christmas present ever...

   ...... .♫♪♫..... it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas... ♫♪♫

   ....... HA ... The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 12 more times before then.