GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   Shhhh hear that??? (Hears crickets). That's the sound of your audience to your bad jokes.

   Says the guy who keeps insulting random strangers on the Internet and who won't even reveal himself.

   I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently "A way out" wasn't the right answer.

   Loser huh??? I'm not the one sitting in my mother's basement bullying and making fun of other people and trying to remain anonymous about it! If you're going to bully someone, why don't you show yourself???

   I'm really tired of the LED headlights on some cars. I'm really glad you can see 92 miles ahead, but the rest of us are blind now.

   Today I was told the world doesn't revolve around me. I think it could if some people would try harder.

   So if the groundhog is too fat to see his shadow, do we get six weeks of jelly doughnuts?

   I'm funny I tell you!

   To all my friends who are committed: Happy Valentine's Day! And to all my friends who are single: Happy Independence Day!

   Q. Know what? A. That's what! That's funny, right?

   Good morning haters!

   Why thank you sir! Means a lot to me!

   Ok Jack Frost! You need to quit playing freeze tag with Elsa and Subzero from Mortal Kombat. Because you all keep missing each other, and it is starting to affect the rest of us.

   What up?

   If my coworker is getting beat up, better believe I'm jumping in to help. Because I ain't covering anybody's shift.

   Exactly! The more they try to come at me, the stronger I get and the harder I laugh at them.

   I just killed a huge mouse. Ripped it to bits. The staff at Disneyland are furious.

   It's so cold out that you can milk a cow and get instant ice cream.

   Santa said I've been so good this year that he put me at the top of his nice list.

   Some things are better left unsaid. Which I generally realize right after I have said them.