flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Autocorrect is like that person who just graduated college and think they know everything.

   Though they are called supermodels, they do not have any super powers. Unless class 2 drug dependency and being very thin is a power

   If you make a wish at 11:11 on 11/11/11 it will come true. Provided that your wish was to waste seconds of your life

   If I'm ever in a coma, promise me you'll slip pizza into my IV.

   .it's almost time for my OBGYN appointment and I haven't even bought a doctor's coat or faked my credentials yet.

   Want to clear out a room quickly? Start playing muskrat love loudly. You are welcome.

   I like to think that every time firemen get a call they're like "Yaaay! We get to ride in the truck!" then they laugh & tickle each other

   I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you're a demon who must be destroyed.

   Today's a great day to stalk someone you haven't seen since high school and say, "You wrote 'keep in touch' in my yearbook, well here I am!"

   I don't care if people call you the space cowboy, gangster of love or Maurice. I think you're delusional.

   If there's anything better than yelling at squirrels, I'd sure like to know what it is.

   Drawing sunglasses on the sun never really made sense to me.

   The Men's Warehouse guy is going to die of lung cancer. I guarantee it.

   Car alarms would be a lot more effective if they sounded like two people fighting. Everyone would turn their had for that

   When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's called lunar assault & it isn't funny

   I have a confession to make to all the rappers out there: I waved my hands in the air and I cared a little bit.

   Harry Potter's movie reinforces one stereotype. That an army of evil is still surprisingly inept at killing the main character

   I'd like to see the tambourine make a roaring comeback into modern music.

   If you don't audibly fart when you're getting a security patdown at the airport, the terrorists win.

   If I were homeless, I'd stand in front of other homeless dudes and hold a sign that says "He's lying."