GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   I hate it when I'm singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

   Last night my car broke down outside a pizza place. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.

   I'm not as mean as I could be. And I want people to be more grateful for that.

   Post the four words every girl wants whispered in her ear.

   Why do people say, "Tuna fish sandwich"? Nobody says, "Chicken Bird Sandwich".

   A man and his wife went to Israel and decided to pick a boat to see the beauty of the river Jordan. When the man asked the boatman how much it will cost them, he said $500. The man shouted, "No wonder Jesus decided to walk on the sea."

   I've been on Facebook for 16 years. I remember when this was all farmland.

   Remember when teachers used to say, "You won't have a calculator everywhere you go". Well, we showed them.

   Groceries are so high that Thanksgiving is looking like taco Thursday this year.

   My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday. It's ridiculous because I didn't even know it was her birthday.

   This Christmas instead of gifts I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

   Before you mock children who still believe in Santa, remember there are still adults who believe everything they read on Facebook.

   Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Don't forget to set your scales back 10 pounds.

   I upset my wife the other day. I accidentally passed her a glue stick instead of chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.

   Just heard that Lady Gaga will be performing a concert in outer space this summer. I think it's really sweet of her to do a concert right in her own hometown.

   To all the people that couldn't stand me this year, just letting you know next year is going to be even worse.

   I told the bank manager that I wanted to open a joint account. He asked who with? I said, "The customer with the most money".

   Due to popular demand, the Kansas City Chiefs are changing their name to the Kansas City Swifties.

   What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes!

   My boss asked me to write down two things I liked about my job. Apparently lunch time and quitting time are not the right answers.