JAKE Funny Status Messages

   Men.... Try role reversal in bed with your wife. And you have the headache for once.

   The difference between carbon monoxie and my wife is..... Carbon monoxie is a silent killer.

   So cold don's toupee flew south for the winter

   If April showers bring may flowers. What does mayflowers bring? Pilgrims

   Switching off my mother inlaw's life support machine was very difficult. I had to fight off a doctor, a nurse and two security guards. Beeeeeeeep

   Husbands calm down are two words you should never say to your wife.

   New breakfast cereal called Prosatooties. They don't snap crackle or pop. They just in the bowl and smile at you.

   If the people I come in contact with daily could read my mind I'd get punch in the face alot.

   Heard there was a kidnapping at the school. Untill the teacher woke him up.

   My wife is so bad at housekeeping, that our dog buries his bones in our carpet.

   Both corn and beer looks the same on the way in as they do on the way out.

   I find it annoying when old people poke me at wedding and say "you'll be next." So I started to do the same thing to them at funerals.

   There was a study done on the effects alcohol has on walking. The results were staggering.

   My cooking is so good even my smoke alarm comments on it.

   By useing earbuds it gave me alot of practice to un-tangling a string of Christmas lights

   I think I have alzheimer's

   They say that laughter is the best medicine. But if you're laughing for no reason, you need medicien.

   Breast reduction is just another way a woman has to get something off her chest.

   I think the word alimony should be spelled aliMOANy