Doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   Oh wow! Thanks for the newsletter, Hotel Chain! I'm just lonely enough to read this!

   indecisive and thoroughly confused, the replacement refs ordered a diet mtn. coke.

   So they found Richard III under a parking lot. We wil probably find Hoffa under a church.

   If police work is just watching stuff burn, then I mastered police work when I was 10 years old.

   My pet peeve is when people say redundant words after acronyms, like “PIN number” or “ATM mouth.”

   Cookie dough flavored vodka? Ugh. Stay out of the bar Mary Poppins.

   There is over a billion people in China and there is also only two haricuts

   The Grapes of Wrath is my favorite book title talking about a Woman drinking wine and angrily planning on burning your house to the ground.

   Oh Nothing. Just over here choking on dinner, fighting death like it's my job.

   So your saying there is no crying in Flirting? That sure explains a lot!

   My "Stop Being Poor" shirt almost ended up in the Goodwill pile.

   Ever like someone so much that you just want to chew on their hiney?

   Popeye teaches you that spinach makes you stonger while completely skipping over the part about pooing your pants at work.

   So they will not be changing the name to the LA cotton clippers? Shooo! That was close. That could have turned alot of shirts inside out.

   My life coach threw a chair at me.

   This whiskey would pair nicely with soft bosoms.

   If you hold a beer glass to your ear, you hear joy.

   The cat stole my chair but I didn't want to move him because he looked so comfy so all I could do was pepper-spray him right in the face.

   This year, I'm takin' candy from kids who have the most, to give to the kids too lazy to trick-or-treat themselves. Happy Obamaween. Merica.

   If you can sing Jingle Bells without jiggling your "gentleman's sausage" then you're way more mature than me.