paul Funny Status Messages

   I heard the gas companies are going to be changing the grades of gasoline from regular, mid-grade, and supreme to tall, grande and venti...

   If you are ordering Chinese food and ask them for Miso soup, and they are out of it, do they tell you Miso sorry??

   So, if your wife is looking at job postings and says "Look honey, this one says I have exactly what they are looking for" and you reply "What, big boobs?". That is NOT the right answer...

   What idiot driver on the freeway next to me this morning was trying to floss while driving, he was swerving all over the place. The jerk nearly made me drop my newspaper and my phone!!!

   I gave three women Corona's today and not one of them appeared in a bikini! Dang false advertising!!

   actually an antidepressant... X must be taken every night before bedtime... But X may cause lightheadeness, a sense of euphoria, and an incontrollable urge to repeat the word yes... X is not for everyone... Ask your doctor if X is right for you...

   will never eat cheezies while watching porn again...

   Tonight is a Jim Croce night. I most definitely will be spending some time in a bottle!

   Just once I would love to get a junk email that read..."P*nis englargment?? No way dude! You are set! Forget I even sent this message." Is that too much to ask???

   I guess having a rope tied between two trees in your backyard does not mean you "own your own clothing line".

   You know, come to think of it, I have never seen Charlie Sheen and Gaddafi in the same room either.... Coincidence?? Just sayin...

   it might just be me, but oranges from the tree at the cemetary seem a little sweeter.

   I read where it said that having sex burns 4 calories per minute. I mean come on, are you serious? This has to be worng. How was this ever verified? A WHOLE minute??

   Every notice how your dream girl often turns into your nightmare?

   Some people don't need an "Easy" button, they need a "STFU" button.

   I hear the "Occupy Wall Street" movement is headed to Las Vegas. Wow, seems like a pretty big gamble if you ask me.

   I hate when a singer I can't stand comes out with a song that is UNLIKE them and I like it and don't even realize it is them. Then someone tells me who it is and it ruins the song for me.

   hopes he made no one uncomfortable while staring at their stats...

   wonders if you ever wished your life had a System Restore... or maybe even just a Back Button?

   If you LOL and no one is around, do you make a sound?