ef Funny Status Messages

   I'm pretty sure today is one of my family members birthday..... I should probably "unblock" them and check.

   All I want for Christmas is NO MORE GAME REQUESTS!!! Thank you!!

   Women are always complaing that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around.....That's because women take up all the closets

   You call the shots. I'll drink them.

   Thanksgiving is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.

   Neil Armstrong was the first "Human Being" to step foot on the moon. Did you know that Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"

   I met this woman at the club tonight. Well she looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady! It was when she drove me to her place and parrelled parked on the very first try that l thought hold on a minute here!

   I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beer.

   I still haven't been able to deal with the fact that Jessica Simpson has had two children and didn't name either one "Homer"

   Dear Santa: This year I would like a "Bailout and a Bonus."..."Yes, I know I have been really bad, spent my money frivolously ,even did some illegal things and therefore I think I deserve it."----The Government

   I think I'll go shovel the "Global Warming" out of the driveway!

   I'm working on my 2014 New Year's Resolutions List 1. On January 1st, "Express order" workout equipment. 2. January 2nd workout with new equipment 3. January 3rd "Place Ad to sell workout equipment at 1/2 price"

   What happened o the NFL? It used to be the greatest game. Now every receiver that goes out for a pass and is breathed on starts waving his hands for a flag like a big cry baby....this game is falling apart just like this country

   Hopefully Kim Jong Un will mistake Dennis Rodman for his other uncle

   I don't know about you but I'm that guy who will strike up a conversation with you while waiting in a long line.Tell a joke to all the people standing there to change their day and mine also. I enjoy people..... and life is too short!

   My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.

   Whenever I hear the Christmas song about "nuts roasting on an open fire" I cringed. My wife plays that song over and over when she's mad at me..... even if it's in July

   I just hid my teenage son's Christmas gifts behind the vacuum, in the dishwasher and next to the trash can that needs to be taken out.....guaranteed he will never find them!

   I make my coffee so strong it wakes the neighbors up....

   I ''unfriend" you on Facebook when your Birthday Reminder comes up and I realize I don't interact with you ever....