Jeff Funny Status Messages

   In this kind of weather I expected to see more boobs hanging out.

   I just read about a dyslexic cop being fired for operating an IUD checkpoint.

   I always feel like a domestic God after watching Hoarders.

   Jerry springer say's, "The difference between his guests and politicians are the number of their teeth."

   Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into own hands.

   Senior Campbells Soup with.....NEW... larger type alphabet soup letters.

   I must have drank more than I thought last night...there's an entire hour that I don't remember!

   In a final selfless gesture, Abe Vigoda will be donating his ear hair to Locks Of Love.

   Beep...Beep...Beep....Would it be too much to ask for a smoke alarm to warn me of a low battery when the sun is actually up?! Beep...Beep...Beep....

   99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 7%.

   Cremation..........think outside the box

   I held the door for a lady at the Post Office because she had a huge box..

   This other dude at a store just asked me if tulips were annuals or perrinials. I should probably change out of this pink shirt.

   If whiskey makes you frisky and gin makes you grin, what makes you pregnant? (Two highballs and a Squirt)

   Cancel my subscription....I am done with your issues!

   So did anyone ever end up getting Jay-Z a what what?

   Go to Google, type in "world cup 2010", look at the bottom of the page. Gooooooaaaaaaal!

   my girlfriend just started smoking. Should I slow down and use a lubricant?

   My friend Mary joined me for dinner. I had a petite filet and Mary had a little lamb!

   I'm right 97% of the time...so why does my wife always find fault with the other 4% ?